I wrote the poems, “The Beating” and “Alone In A Crowd”, while I was still in the throes of an ever-growing depression. They were reflections of my experiences in high school and in life . I have always known that something would go wrong with me. My birth mother is now diagnosed as schizophrenic; most likely the result of the medications she has received over the past 40 years for manic/depressive (now called bi-polar) disorder.
My depression started in high school, but took over my life in college. There were moments when the thought of diving into Fall Creek Gorge (a popular suicide spot in Ithaca, NY) was a workable solution to ending the inner pain that I felt. I tried the free college counselors but they were useless. It wasn’t until 2000 that I received my first form of chemical help. It was only a mild sedative for what was mis-diagnosed as anxiety. It took several years and the eventual failure of that first medication that led to a new diagnosis of chronic depression. The current medication has made it possible for me to finally get that grip on life that people are always telling me I need to do (as if it were that simple).
I feel much better now!