Jimmy Cricket was found early this morning floating in a pool of water. It was surmised that he had gone for a drink and simply fell in. He drowned as a result.
After questioning by authorities, we spoke with the homeowner who insisted that Mr. Cricket was not an invited guest. “He barged in with the morning paper. He resisted all efforts to remove him by leaping wildly about the room. After a while we just gave up and stopped chasing him.”
“He kept us up half the night with his loud chatter, but eventually he settled down. We had no idea he’d drowned until we found him in the morning just floating there.”
His death has been ruled accidental and no charges will be made against the homeowner.